We don't live in a vacummm

Hi all, for the last few days I met and talked to a few friends, kak Z, kak ZP, kak E, of whom I am indebted. They shared, adviced, assisted me during my 'hard' time now. I found myself at the "no end" road, I am stuck and one of the reasons is because I am worry so much and I kept on worrying and thinking about my worries and I did not "DO" anything.... hope you can understand my 'crap' splurt....

I learned a few things from them of which I shall treasure wholeheartedly. Kak Z told me to start and keep on writing what she called free writing, no stopping, no editing, simply write and write. Kak ZB asked me to read banyakkkkkkkkkk to gain the skills and insights of getting my theoritical frameworks and as kak Z said, move on from my findings and bring it forward and out and try to put it in the right 'aliran' of which I'm still struggling, what is my 'aliran' a.k.a theory. Kak Z mentioned a few theories and the theorists of whom some are familiar and some are totally new to me, and being able to put my research and squeezed them in between of all these key theories. Wish me luck especially for the one who hasn't found her thories after 2 years in her journey of knowledge!!!! Personally, I learned that Phd is an individual unique experience and very much depending on your resources, be it financial, health, peaceful of mind etc. Some people are granted with some resources and limited with other resources. A is given with some resources, B is limited in other type of resources. So, no wonder one can finish in 2 years time and yet one took 6 years to complete. It all goes back to one analogy, don't compare an orange with an apple. In my case, I might not be good in my analysis, but I can highlight the richness of my data. I have to be "redha" with my lack of resources, for example, I am not good in english academic writing or in other word, not good in Australia Phd thesis writing so, I have to be 'redha' when it comes to time invested to complete my writing. There is no specific way of 'correct' or even 'good' writing, but I have to be able to highlight the uniqueness of my 'phenomenon' of study, the uniqueness such as culture and context, the different perspective we have as compared to those from other culture and religion. Kak E intellectual's input give me ideas on how to counter argue some of my supervisor's argument, that I'm looking from my participant's point of view, and Islam is embedded in our daily life, in our thinking, in our way of life, what we do and think are all related to that course, that's it. She also shared with me the importance of positionality in our research, the multilingualism issue in methodology, what is idiomatic and meaning based translation. Most of all, I appreciate some of the useful and beneficial references given by kak E, thank you my dear. I also learn from kak e and kak z the importance of triangulation, might take note on the ways to triangulate my research, of how to make it "traingulatedly sound", another important task worth doing, I guess!!! While sitting and reflecting, I think another reason for my 'laziness' is because of so much distractions nowadays, first of all I have holidays syndrome, campus is dead, no one is here, and most distraction of all is, all my families are here in Perth!!!! so, what am i doing in my office, I have to go out and spend time with them. So, trying to rationalize and justify my 'guilt' feeling by saying, I will start to keep up my 'working hour' once they got back, but when is that, 12th january and what do I do before that? Nothinggggg!!!!! So jem, where is that cool and secured feeling Jem??want to get that Jem back. To Allah, I prayed yesterday for the year end and new year supplication, and Perjalanan perlu diteruskan... Semangat perlu dicari... Usaha perlu ditingkatkan...Kejayaan pasti dikecapi.....insyaAllah.

p/s Photo courtesy of Shekeen, thanks sis!

words of wisdom from a friend; million of thanks

Kamek understand your journey kinek tok..........the toughest road. Noworry but hang on there and keep working. Klak you sendiri terkejut what Ucan do bila dah habis tulis. I am glad analogy driving ya dapat nolong yousikit. Anywhere in phenomenology cam ya lah you expect to write. Sik dasigek penulisan atau buku atau example yang perfect untuk panduan u nulisthesis secara phenomenology sebab setiap phenomenology approach sangatsubjective, specific to its contact, culture and even every subject,kitakenak highlight ke unikannya.So my suggestion,you kenak baca banyakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkpenulisan phenomenologist and learn the writing skill from there, journal,books or even story book!!! Lepas ya keep writing and re writing and rewriting quoting from my supervisors word masa kat NZ dolok. Once u sendirirasa puas menulis ya discuss with your supervisor. 1st step yang palingpenting ialah thema thema you answer your research questions and explainwhat you want to achieve in your study objectives. I started with coding,categories and themes and move forward and backward and sometimes back tooriginal codes many times. Yes its time consuming and mind boggling.Yes in writing take one step at a time. Mun U tengah nulis researchfindings you, focus tok ajak your reading, your searching , your thinking,your refelction. Jangan campur aduk dengan chapter lain.Another things, mun you rasa serabut, overwhelm or stuck up....no worry itsnormal process. Give yourself a break and go holiday with family. You willfeel fresh and rejuvenated when you return from your break and wow lekak ya best nulis.

Words to ponder

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So, love the people who treat you right.

Forget about the one’s who don’t.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it is changes your life, let it.

Nobody said life is would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

- anynomous

photo courtesy of Miya

Supervisors:Phd life line?

People said Phd is very much depending on your supervisors, they are like your life line, talian hayat sehinggal berjaya dlm PhD. Btw, I have two active supervisors, A is my main supervisor and B is my associate supervisor, the post doesn't matter as the responsibility ratio is 100% each.

I had a hard time with B when I first came, for me B is less sensitive to an international student like me, she is "very australian" to me and unfriendly although she is a psychologist! A, on the other hand is very understanding, the fact that she's teaching cross cultural psychology and married with a foreinger do help! B almost withdrew from being my supervisor because we had a 'tough' time at first but I admit that B has her own strength in the sense that she gives very fast feedback and she is sharp and she is very particular. Hence, I decided not to withdrew her although I can if I want to, as I thought she is very good. After a while, we can lessen the gap between us and she seemed to understand and sensitive to my ways of doing things. I am happy with our relationship nowadays. On the contrary, I felt very helpless with supervisor A who is always busy most of the time as she secured thousand dollars grants, and always delayed in replying my emails and giving feedback. I was so frustrated recently as she forgot and could not recalled that I submit a 20-pages doc to her before I left for Raya and expected her to read and comments after I got back, that did not happened. I knew that she she can make herself available if I really need to see her, but I do not want to be so pushy and demanding. I am grateful that I can rely on supervisor B and thanks to Allah as I decided to have 2 supervisor instead of one, my life will be miserable if supervisor A is the only one, thanks God.

why? why?

I kept telling myself if I ever had the chance to turn back the clock, I could have gone somewhere else to do my PhD, US perhaps because I am sick of dealing with the red tapes in Australia.

I can list down all the things that make me 'sick' of the way the Australians were doing their work. As I was thinking all the hassles we faced, the issues are all centred around "money'.We were charged $110 when we vacant the previous house because it is a day before the lease ended. But the owner requested us to vacant the house earlier, how could the agent charged us instead? The child care charged my credit card eventhough I've paid cash, and they did not have the record that I've paid cash. The car rental company charged us a day extra claiming we returned the car a day late although we returned it on time. The debt collecter kept hunting us with letter and nasty phone calls claiming we did not pay the gas just because they did not liased with Alinta as our account is zero balance. Well, you see, all these are really taxing on our time. It could be considered miss communication but it tortured your life mentally and physically. You have to double check your statement be it the statement from credit card, the bank, the bills etc. You lost the trust, you might be charged on something unnecessarily, then all the forthcoming phone calls that need to be made, trying to reach relevant people, well....it's a never ending story. My hubby decided to terminate his mobile phone as he was charged unnecessarily stating that he took part in some sort of competition, and been calling a call centre. Well, later we found it was a scam and it is very difficult to get rid because the mobile company can't do anything about it, so, terminate and handle the hassle of having a new mobile number.

Recently I did a 'treasure hunt' trying to locate my registered letter from my sponsor. The letter will come every 3 months and I was expecting it to reach me early October. But after contacting UNIMAS, they confirmed that they had sent the letter in early September and I should have received it in September and not October. So, I ended up ambushing two post offices where we normally received parcel or registered letter and finally after being interrogating by the post office officers, found my registered letter lying in one of the post offices. My question is simple, how come I never received a card or notice stating that I've a registered letter to be collected? It was written on the letter that 2 notices were given in September and the final one in early October. So, did I missed the 2 notices? I have been receiving all my letters as usual, but I did not see any notice from the post office and as I was expecting the letter too, I kept checking my mail box in that manner. well, only Allah knows what happened but my hunch said that the postman simply forgot to leave any notice! Terrible!

After babbling all these, I asked myself, am I such a complainer? Well, I would say NO because what happened above make me 'sick' in the sense that we had a lot of counter check to do and it involves money and money is very precious. As I said earlier on, it tortured you physically and psychologically. Anyhow, I am always bersyukur, rezeki kami di bumi Allah ini, di Australia, semoga semuanya dipermudahkan buat kami dalam menghabiskan sisa sisa di OZ ini, amin.

p/s Thanks Miya for the photo

the come back

salam to all, to whomever care to read...

I felt like to write something today, felt like I have to "talk" and say something, therefore, thinking of my long left blog not dated.

Well...everytime I felt overwhelmed, my blog is always a 'place' to express my feeling, a journal to write my thoughts and overwhelm emotions...

I just got back from a long break for raya and as usual, after the fact, it's a lways a huge back log to be cleared and I have so much to do without knowing where to start and what to do first. Well, again, it is true, worrying is like rocking a chair, it gives you something to dwell with but it brings you no where. So, I should stop worrying and start doing something. But....this time around, another big challenge, I have to move, yes, move house agaiNNNN, so when am I going to do my work. We have to vacant the house by the end of this month, 31st October, greatt....on my birthday, we have to surrender the key, just could not imagine the caotic we are facing now, with 2 more weeks to go, we still could not find a house, we are still 'hunting' for one. Been busy viewing the house here and there hoping to find a nice, cheap and good located house. Well, pray to Allah that we'll find one very soon.

In the mean time, as usual, while facing the roller coaster in life, I always reflects on my hardship, challenges and think about others as well. Thinking that my hurdle is a disaster, others is worst. A house of our friend was broken into last week, he lost 3 laptops, with one just a few days old (brand new), some jewelleries, moneys and etc. Most important part is the laptop where our friend kept all his latest data/theses in that matter. He's supposed to finish in a few months time and all the updated one are in the laptop. May Allah blesses him and family.

Explanations of Singleness

Salam all...been busy lately with unfinished business of enormous data. I wanted to share my feeling of relief after seeing my supervisors last week, they successfully pointing at my biggest 'mistake' at this moment which is I was trying to do so many things at the same time. Most of the things I highlighted to them should be done at the next level of analysis which is interpretation part but I am still at my coding stage so I could not really focus at coding as I was busy doing the interpretation at the same time....isn't that terribel? No wonder I found out my mind is all over the place, just if you know what I meant.

Anyway, one of a very productive point of the meeting is to change the word REASONS of being single to the word EXPLANATIONS of being single as the word reasons reflects that the women are not married because of their decision, their choice as for my research the explanations can be many such as jodoh, qada & qadar, commitment, expectations, being cautious and ambivalent explanations. There are various inter-related reasons to explain their state of remaining single over the normal marriageable age.The singles are ambivalent because they are unsure or uncertain of what are the causes that lead them to be not married. With this, they will go to explain the notion of jodoh and qada and qadar to explain their current status.

"I don’t know what is the main reason why I single, unlike others. Frankly, I’m very open. I believe in fate as muslim. I told my friend that I’m still open, available; I’m not really into searching for a partner at this age. It’s unknown of our fate. If it comes, it comes, I accept, katalah sik ada, I sik regret"
It is apparent that though single women enjoy their personal freedom, they do not actually reject marriage. "Yes, Islam encourages man and woman to unite, but there’s no match, what’s there to do? I take things easily. I am not rejecting marriage or anti lelaki, I do mix around, but there’s just no one for me. Some people memang lari dari jodoh but not me, asalkan kita jaga dirik dgn baik, mun jodoh dtg, alhamdulillah"

Rather they are particular of when and whom to marry;

"Mentally la, you have to tell yourself that they is always somebody out there for you la. It just that masa belum ada la. I confident la, because my good example ada kat Malaysia bah.Umur 50 baru nya kahwin you know. Jadi kamek, selagi kamek belum tutup mata, adalah jodoh bagi kamek. Bagi kamek la.I keep on telling myself"

"I believe that God has created my match, berpasaang pasangan but maybe he’s already gone or died, or I’ll live alone for the rest of my life but I’ll meet him in another world, or maybe he’s alive but jodoh nya dgn org lain di dunia tuk , he’s already with someone else. It’s already fated. I can’t expect for him to exist again"

The word Qada(decree) and Qadar(destined) is very broad in concept, it brings the same meaning to some of the metaphorically statement given by the participants such as: "things happened for reasons, blessing in disguise, wisdom behind it, kun faya kun (what will be will be)".

And what more to say the notion of Jodoh;
"I had a few boyfriends who showed interest in me, but I didn’t pick them. That’s why sidak heran, nak kata sik ada look, ada, nak kata sik pandei, pandei, so, it came to one thing, you pemilih, I madah sik juak I milih, my ex boyfriend, engineer, ada juak kerja kat L.A, ada juak journalist, sik juak jadi. That’s why lah, kadang2 terfikir bah, kali menar kali, bukan jodoh you. Gene org lain, baru jumpa 2-3 hari lalu melamar, lalu kawin, sbb jodoh nya dah sampei, tp mcm kita berkawan2 lamak2 pun, sik juak jadi"

Wallahu'alam.

p/s thanks keen for your winter getaway photos

terms and jargons

salam, dear all...I wanted to share some terms and jargons floating on my mind today, feel like to list them somewhere and finally decided to write them down here.

Malay jargons related to single study

andartu (old virgin)

andalusia (old maiden)

tak laku (not sellable)

jodoh (soul-mate as fated by God)

sebijak mana pun perempuan itu, tempatnya tetap di dapur (literally translated as regardless how smart a woman is, her righful place remains in the kitchen)

perigi cari timba (literally translated to English as 'a well looking for a bucket')

Islamic jargons related to single study

syurga letaknya di bawah tapak kaki ibu (literally translated as heaven lies under a mother's feet)

tiap sesuatu dijadikan berpasangan (everything is created in pairs)

jodoh pertemuan dan ajal maut di tangan tuhan (matters of death and soul mates are in the hands of God)

polygamy

misyar marriage

(glupp....what in the world is Misyar marriage? After doing some searching, misyar is a marriage arrangement where the husband is released from his responsibility to provide financially for his wife, with the consent of the wife. This arragement is suggested for wealthy single women who can afford themselves financially but need a husband to fulfill their biological and sexual needs).....sharing for the day, for the readers of my blog. Issue of single professionals are not married has lead to heated debates on how to "solve" the problems and brought about the suggestions of allowing polygamy and misyar marriages.

Did I miss any common peribahasa Melayu or jargons in our malay cultures? Do you have any other terms to add and comments? Please do so.

Stigma@Bias@Discrimination

Dear all, today I read across the excerpt from one of the transcripts, somehow, it tickled me about singles being treated unfairly at the workplace. I met a few singles talking about the mistreatment they received at the workplace, some mentioned about what I called 'universal' issue of gender bias, then some are going beyond the gender bias, single bias.....

"To me, being single, as a Malay lady, no limit, you can do anything as long as you know yr limit, keep on the right track, its ok, bukan faktor penghalang kpd kerjaya w/pun saya sik berkahwin. People are being negative but they never know that singles contribute more to the public, in this office, singles are on going working, sbb org kawin banyak commitment. Mcm lah single tuk sik perlu makan, minum, rehat, mcm machine. That’s why, dlm transfer, engkah nya jauh2 sbb nya single, that’s what happened to me, 9 years in B….., sik dpt tukar2, mun I di Kuching, lebih byk opportunity to further my study. Now meli rumah pun sampei pencen, I’m nearing retirement, yet my house purchase is still unsettled. They perceived single people are less important, as second class people, but they are the first class people to do their work. As in married people are allowed to take leave to take care of a sick family member, the privileges are not given to unmarried people. Furthermore, single people are taken for granted and posted to a far place, as if nya sik pandei sakit kah, sik ada mak bapak kah, yet I’ve been sent to B…. for nine years when I should have furthered my studies in Kuching.. Single people are treated as secondary importance, yet they provide the best service. Peoples’ mentality needs to be changed"

Descriptions of today’s single women around the globe are dated and stereotypical. In Malay culture, most people cannot accept the idea that a never married ‘normal’ woman could be happy and satisfied with her life. Clearly for most people and most cultures, marriage is a pre-ordained path, the preferred social status and the sanctioned way. Linn (1995) suggested women are trained to believe that a man needs a woman to be happy and a woman needs a child in order not to be dejected. She further pointed out that a woman who has no husband is worse than a man who has no wife. An unmarried woman without any children has no future, but a male who is not a father still has a future. Thus, women who have not married are often stigmatized and discriminated against.

Single Vs Janda

In the middle of my coding, I found few interesting singles' perception on being single;

a: To me the most important thing is that each day or each year we become a better person as better person. It doesn't matter whether you single or married.

b: So I think kalau you bawa diri you dengan betul takda masalahlah insyaAllah. Even kalau married women pun kalau tak pandai bawa kan..paling penting is how you carry yourself lah..

c: You know you still have your friend around you and what not.. so to me hah... I sik kisah...... I single so what? I'm not Janda or what, you know?

I was surprised to find the different 'visions' of the singles have in their life. Being Malay and Muslim, singles women are working towards becoming a better ummah, a good muslim by safeguarding their behaviors and conduct as mentioned by b, and also aim to be a better person each day as stated by a. C's statement is quite shocking because from her statement, single who have never married is better than janda. Let me quote results from study done by Stutzer & Frey 2003:

By the age of 30, singles who will marry report no different subjective well-being than those who will not marry. After 30, the prospective spouses are again a systematically more satisfied selection. It is unlikely that these selection effects can explain the entire difference in well-being between singles and married people. Until age 34, married people, on average, report higher life satisfaction scores than those singles who will get married later. As the gap between the two groups is substantial, it is unlikely to be due to time patterns in selection, i.e. due to the larger selection effects for those marrying at a young age.Besides selection effects into marriage, we also find evidence for selection effects out of marriage. People who get divorced were not only less happy during marriage but also less happy before they got married. So, does marriage make people happy or does divorce make people happy?

A janda is not to be perceived negatively just because she decided to end a marriage and fullly self satisfied with her decision and happy with it. Single or janda should not be labelled as negative as a muslim we must believe in things happened for reason, there's wisdom behind whatever happened, and Allah is the Most Knowing, He knows what best for us. Believe in Qada' and Qadar, percaya kepada ketentuanNya dan bertawakal.

p/s Picture shown flowers I received from my brother for Mother's Day, thanks bro!

Is single a 'monster'?

hehehehe, what an intrigue question for my entry this time yet, it is actually quite a 'common' statement, label, stigma, stereotyped, prejudice I might say that people have towards singles. I have a number of good friends who are labelled as 'fierce', as emotionally unstable person and this is personally intrigue me to do this research actually besides all the other academic merits, hahahha. So, how far it is true? What causes it? And does it really happening or is it just a myth?

Or does this has something to do with the biological make up of a women, the every month cycles and also the hormones turbulence? For me, it can be one of the factors because before I married, I had terrible PMS, now it is lessen.

Well, I don't have answer actually for all these question, and I don't know what is the answer. I just wanted to share a finding from an article: single women is more psychologically stress than single men. From personality p.o.v, single women are more intelligent, more open to experience and the never married single is more hostile and irritable :(
And this one finding is interesting, as compared to married women, the household income of the never married is less :( kuang, kuang, kuang.....emmmm...interesting, no wonder a single friend of mine always complaint of pokai, heheheheh study done by Marks, N.F, Flying Solo at Midlife: Gender, Marital status, Psychological Well Being, 1996.

My brother is a follower of this particular blog of whom he knows that the owner is a single Malay lady and she is "getting worst" in her entries nowadays, she is meant and 'not friendly' in her writing, so, my brother was asking me, how can he help her because "she is turning into a monster" day by day (direct quote) and remind us of a relative who is now helpless and 'shun' by other family members sort of. She is a very nice person before but she has changed a lot. There are actually so many other cases surrounding that tell us that this is actually happening but I do not know exactly why, wish I'll have answer so do you know why or at least have the assumptions of why is this happening?

western vs islamic

Today I want to talk about Western theory versus Islamic theory. A friend of mine addressing this issue that day and she mentioned about the sexual needs as part of Maslow theory and she mentioned about the importance of companionship. I personally had scribbled about this in my journal quite some time ago and I did quote about Maslow’s theory of biological or physiological needs, so, how do singles women fulfill these needs as it is just like eating, drinking and sleeping? For professional women the challenge is higher because they have to deal with men everyday at the workplace. In Islam, we are encouraged to puasa, zikr and solat. And the sexual gratification is fulfilled and halal through aqad.
Careful consideration of the Qur'anic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable. (I.Doi, A.R (2008).
So, if the condition of marriage is ‘wajib’ then it is the obligation of the person to get married just like it is obliged unto her to pray and pay zakat.
Western theory of partnership is very much related to the attachment theory, evolutionary theory and belonginess hypothesis and even in Islam, Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquillity according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. The concept of loved and to be loved is broad in this sense. There is a literature who mentioned about the differences between a single who has never married and a single who was married. Surprisingly, a single who has never married is a ‘strong’ woman because they are emotionally and economically more independent than a married one. And those who had married and then become single they are more emotionally dependent because they had experience the feeling of “being loved” in their marriage period. For the singles, the feeling of “being loved” maybe fulfilled when they are loved by parents, siblings, relatives and even friends and since she never experience the feeling of love between husband and wife, this is not comparable.

I remembered one time I argued with my husband about the attachment theory introduced by the western and I argued what do they know about attachment since car seat is compulsory in the west while in Malaysia, our attachment is stronger because we hugged, we carry the babies with us in the car, we ‘kendung’, we ‘pangku’ them because we don’t put babies in the car seat, we are more attached than the west, then my husband simply replied me, “jangan ikut sangat lah teori barat tu….” Sometimes, it is true lah, it is good for our knowledge and the world mundane, but as Muslim, most of the things are narrated in the sayings of the prophet and of course in the Quran. Maybe we just need to reflect more and at the first place how can we reflect if we don’t have it, so, try to understand what is in the Quran and also in Hadith. Take care all.

Unproductive Week

Today is Wednesday emmm felt like I did not accomplish anything this week, just felt so tired and feel like to relax and do not want to think about research.....well, I'm still at the first step of my data analysis, do not know what take me so long to go further, well, I admitted that I had been procrastinating lately, really? or maybe I'm giving excuse to myself to not do my analysis, the reasons are.....I guess, I have told you in my previous entry, juggling with english and juggling with the data. Well, I know I am not progressing "well", I wasted so much time already, I am not being productive and I did not see my supervisors for ages. I guess it is time to face the reality now, I better set up an appointment with them and get movinggggg, jem, be focus, be focussss, sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian, tiada guna nya. Ya Allah, give me 'sinar' dalam menghadapi hari hari mendatang, amin.

Juggle with data

Monday is here meaning another week is coming and meaning another hours had flies and gone. Here I am asking myself where I am in my journey? I just got back from my meeting with John and while walking on my way back to my office, I was asking myself, how to go about doing my analysis? I will probably followed John's advice, took a big paper and started doing my mind mapping to see the whole overview of my first case analysis, phewww....I forsee that I'll be 'drowning' with my data after this, I have so many "things" in my mind but I have problem to put them together and organised them. I also knew that deep in my heart I could not ran away from reading and understanding the western feminism, the economic changes, the modernation revolutions andddd more about Malay culture and Islamic values, waaaa.....this is PhD, the more you know, the more you don't know, do you agree friends? Ya Allah, please give me the strength and perseverence in my journey, amin.

Juggle with English

Salam all, I just started my analysis and I am struggling with the higher level of abstraction, struggle to look for concise word and phrases to capture the essential quality of the transcriptions, struggle in finding higher level of expressions to allow theoritical connections within and across cases, well in short, I am struggling with the complexities of English, how I wish my brain is like a dictionary or something like thesaurus and within second the exact, precise word will come across my mind and daa....here you go...

Now, my progress is very very slow, macam siput je just because it takes me ages to look for what is "Jodoh" in english, what is "redha", what is "ingga' (local sarawak dialect), what is "terkilan" as regret is too strong for that and mind you jodoh can be, destiny, fate, predestined mate, marriage faith, it is not a simple term because there is cultural and religious translation embedded in that one word! pheww....more work, more work for me, Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, permudahkan urusan aku dalam menempuh hari hari mendatang, amin.

PhD challenges

Hi, short one from me today, just got back from lunch with my brother, we talked about PhD thingies. There are 1001 obstacles or in a more positive word, "challenges" in doing PhD. We shared some of our own friends experience and challenges. A, lost his data in his laptop when his laptop was stolen, all his research tracks were in the laptop. B and C involved in a car accident while collecting data in Malaysia. D was diagnosed as having depression after coming back from his data collection trip, of which he described as a very unpleasant experience, and very challenging. E has to go back to Malaysia after knowing that his baby is sick and later died. Well, there is so many stories behind PhD journey, it could happen to anyone, anytime and anywhere. I am blessed that so far, mine is still a 'pleasant' journey so much so, although there are ups and down, Allah is testing us in His very own ways. Be thankful always, syukur alhamdulillah. Please pray for the success of those who are doing their PhD wherever they are, amin.

Cooking Therapy

I met a few singles ladies who shared with me their passion in cooking, baking and gardening as well. Some of them were telling me that they have a dream to open their own bakery one fine day, insyaAllah. Mun jadi, promo kelak, dapat merasa air tangan some of you there. Emmm...it makes me wonder, do singles people treat cooking as a therapy? Is cooking or baking or even gardening is one of the many activities they fulfill their time with? Have to search for more literature on cooking & singles women. I personally believe that cooking can be a welcome change and relief from the busyness of other activities especially work. Don't you think so?

Nor***, Rah***, Rosh****, Khan**** told me that they like to bake & cook and then inviting nephews, nieces, friends to come over and eat. Zab***** & Azee*** told me that they love gardening. And I know somebody by the name Far*** who from my personal acquitances likes to do biscuits for Raya and even take an order for the biscuits, I should have asked her more on this during the interview. As for me, I don't really like to cook or even gardening, I don't even know what I like specifically, maybe just lepaking, and relaxing LOL :) What I know for sure is, I am a 'seasonal' cook and baker, depending on time, mood and context.

Now it's your turn to pass the salt. Toss your thoughts into the mixing bowl (aka "comments" section) below. Happy cooking, baking and gardening dear all!

p/s credit to my friend's photos, Intan; she loves to make cuppy cakes so much.

Frustrations and Rejections

Along my journey, I experienced some rejections and frustration with one of the major one came from unwilling singles to be interviewed, I have no intention to force them, after all this is totally voluntary. In our culture, people are being polite, they won't say no straight to your face but they will ask you a lot of questions and ask you to look for someone else first, if still you can't find any, then you go back to them. One even asked me, "why not interview successful women? nothing interesting about singles?" They became very philosophical in in their answer, very superficial, and go around the bushes, I know straight away they are hesitant and won't be willing to share and being sincere in their sharing. I asked myself the big W, WHY? Do they have things to hide and felt that I'm trying to dig their secret; do they feel insecure, inadequate and incomplete, just because they are not married? And interesting fact I found is that, the higher that person is, I mean education wise, the more difficult for me to approach them. Again WHY? I am expecting that people who have PhD can 'easily' participate because they know that I'm doing this for the sake of my PhD but they are making it difficult for me, so, again, WHY?
Lesson I learned and reflect a lot:
*Hari ini hari orang (minta tolong), next time hari kita pulak
*If you want people to respect you, you must respects others
*If we want people to be kind to us, we must be kind to others

Everybody is welcome

A review of the literature highlights some confusing and problematic terms used when discussing single, never married women. Many researchers have failed to distinguish between single women who are never married and women who are divorced, widowed, separated or cohabitating. The term ‘single’, which is commonly used in the literature, does not describe whether a woman has ever been married (Martin, 2001). In addition, the terms never married, not married or unmarried may infer the same meaning, but reflect a deficiency or negative perspective, that is, the lack of marriage.

In my study, the term used is ‘women who have not married’ which refers to single professional Malay women who have never been married before.

I welcome everyone to this blog, regardless you are singles, professional and sarawakian. Well, those whom I have talked to, you know who you are, some are from semenanjung, some are professional by position although not by education level, some are singles but attached, I would like to welcome everyone....happy blogging!

Welcome notes

Asalammu'alaikum and dear friends,
this is my first entry to the blog I have created with a noble intention to unite all the singles professional Malay ladies in Sarawak. While working on my data of which I got from all of you, I kept asking myself, how do I introduce A to B who seemed to have very good intention to establish an Old Folks Home in the future. And then, how to make sure A and B meet C who is very business minded and can make a business plan out of this proposal?
Other than that I'm thinking, how can I ensure that D & E meet to set a networking or an association where all the singles can unite and share their interest.
Well, I have met great people like you who teach me a lot about life of which I reflect so much and learn from. It is not so much of my final outcome, the end result which is my dissertation alone but the journey of doing PhD, the whole process of meeting, interviewing, talking to people.....it is so enormous! My goodness! I can't say it into words but I would like to express my heartfelt appreciation to those who shared with me their experience, only God will pay for all your kindness and sincerity. God Bless.