western vs islamic

Today I want to talk about Western theory versus Islamic theory. A friend of mine addressing this issue that day and she mentioned about the sexual needs as part of Maslow theory and she mentioned about the importance of companionship. I personally had scribbled about this in my journal quite some time ago and I did quote about Maslow’s theory of biological or physiological needs, so, how do singles women fulfill these needs as it is just like eating, drinking and sleeping? For professional women the challenge is higher because they have to deal with men everyday at the workplace. In Islam, we are encouraged to puasa, zikr and solat. And the sexual gratification is fulfilled and halal through aqad.
Careful consideration of the Qur'anic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable. (I.Doi, A.R (2008).
So, if the condition of marriage is ‘wajib’ then it is the obligation of the person to get married just like it is obliged unto her to pray and pay zakat.
Western theory of partnership is very much related to the attachment theory, evolutionary theory and belonginess hypothesis and even in Islam, Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquillity according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. The concept of loved and to be loved is broad in this sense. There is a literature who mentioned about the differences between a single who has never married and a single who was married. Surprisingly, a single who has never married is a ‘strong’ woman because they are emotionally and economically more independent than a married one. And those who had married and then become single they are more emotionally dependent because they had experience the feeling of “being loved” in their marriage period. For the singles, the feeling of “being loved” maybe fulfilled when they are loved by parents, siblings, relatives and even friends and since she never experience the feeling of love between husband and wife, this is not comparable.

I remembered one time I argued with my husband about the attachment theory introduced by the western and I argued what do they know about attachment since car seat is compulsory in the west while in Malaysia, our attachment is stronger because we hugged, we carry the babies with us in the car, we ‘kendung’, we ‘pangku’ them because we don’t put babies in the car seat, we are more attached than the west, then my husband simply replied me, “jangan ikut sangat lah teori barat tu….” Sometimes, it is true lah, it is good for our knowledge and the world mundane, but as Muslim, most of the things are narrated in the sayings of the prophet and of course in the Quran. Maybe we just need to reflect more and at the first place how can we reflect if we don’t have it, so, try to understand what is in the Quran and also in Hadith. Take care all.