Explanations of Singleness

Salam all...been busy lately with unfinished business of enormous data. I wanted to share my feeling of relief after seeing my supervisors last week, they successfully pointing at my biggest 'mistake' at this moment which is I was trying to do so many things at the same time. Most of the things I highlighted to them should be done at the next level of analysis which is interpretation part but I am still at my coding stage so I could not really focus at coding as I was busy doing the interpretation at the same time....isn't that terribel? No wonder I found out my mind is all over the place, just if you know what I meant.

Anyway, one of a very productive point of the meeting is to change the word REASONS of being single to the word EXPLANATIONS of being single as the word reasons reflects that the women are not married because of their decision, their choice as for my research the explanations can be many such as jodoh, qada & qadar, commitment, expectations, being cautious and ambivalent explanations. There are various inter-related reasons to explain their state of remaining single over the normal marriageable age.The singles are ambivalent because they are unsure or uncertain of what are the causes that lead them to be not married. With this, they will go to explain the notion of jodoh and qada and qadar to explain their current status.

"I don’t know what is the main reason why I single, unlike others. Frankly, I’m very open. I believe in fate as muslim. I told my friend that I’m still open, available; I’m not really into searching for a partner at this age. It’s unknown of our fate. If it comes, it comes, I accept, katalah sik ada, I sik regret"
It is apparent that though single women enjoy their personal freedom, they do not actually reject marriage. "Yes, Islam encourages man and woman to unite, but there’s no match, what’s there to do? I take things easily. I am not rejecting marriage or anti lelaki, I do mix around, but there’s just no one for me. Some people memang lari dari jodoh but not me, asalkan kita jaga dirik dgn baik, mun jodoh dtg, alhamdulillah"

Rather they are particular of when and whom to marry;

"Mentally la, you have to tell yourself that they is always somebody out there for you la. It just that masa belum ada la. I confident la, because my good example ada kat Malaysia bah.Umur 50 baru nya kahwin you know. Jadi kamek, selagi kamek belum tutup mata, adalah jodoh bagi kamek. Bagi kamek la.I keep on telling myself"

"I believe that God has created my match, berpasaang pasangan but maybe he’s already gone or died, or I’ll live alone for the rest of my life but I’ll meet him in another world, or maybe he’s alive but jodoh nya dgn org lain di dunia tuk , he’s already with someone else. It’s already fated. I can’t expect for him to exist again"

The word Qada(decree) and Qadar(destined) is very broad in concept, it brings the same meaning to some of the metaphorically statement given by the participants such as: "things happened for reasons, blessing in disguise, wisdom behind it, kun faya kun (what will be will be)".

And what more to say the notion of Jodoh;
"I had a few boyfriends who showed interest in me, but I didn’t pick them. That’s why sidak heran, nak kata sik ada look, ada, nak kata sik pandei, pandei, so, it came to one thing, you pemilih, I madah sik juak I milih, my ex boyfriend, engineer, ada juak kerja kat L.A, ada juak journalist, sik juak jadi. That’s why lah, kadang2 terfikir bah, kali menar kali, bukan jodoh you. Gene org lain, baru jumpa 2-3 hari lalu melamar, lalu kawin, sbb jodoh nya dah sampei, tp mcm kita berkawan2 lamak2 pun, sik juak jadi"

Wallahu'alam.

p/s thanks keen for your winter getaway photos