if I were to compare...

Salam, we went to parents info session for Farhan's next year pre-primary. In the briefing about maths, the teacher mentioned the importance of the PP kids to know, about more and less, big and bigger, long and longest and she jokingly said, the kids always want to have the biggest, the largest, wanted to be the tallest and the smartest etc.

That is common among primary kids to be always good, want to be the best but doing PhD also shows the 'true color' of competitive nature of so called "malay" people. We like to challenge and we always want to show that we "enduring" the hardest things while doing our research as if no one feel the same hardship. Then, we like to compare, but what is there to compare, PhD is totally unique to a person's project, we don't have exam, so called standard exam to compare how much do we score compare to A, B and C...yet a friend was telling me, bila dah abis sangat tak ada benda nak compare, to the extend, those who have the same supervisor, boleh compare lagi, dahi supervisor lebih berkerut masa jumpa si a or masa jumpa si b, hahahaah that is so funny!!!! we should be proud of our friend who do better than us, and push them more to be much better and not trying to pull them down. Then only can we proudly say that we have the mentality of developed country with first class attitude. InsyaAllah, this is a reminder for myself too, who sometimes 'alpa' and 'terlepas pandang' on certain thing. In conclusion, PhD is so unique, it is not for us to judge and compare an apple with an orange, it is totally fifferent thing !

If I were to compare my situation with other PhD students or couple...My husband is also studying, we only have one scholarship and we have 2 small kids aged 6 and 4. With limited finance, both are busy thinking about PhD, I still have to cook for hubby and the kids. We could not afford to eat outside. If I were too lazy, I can simply cook nasi goreng for hubby, but what abt my kids, they demands macam2, sometimes they want soup, sometimes, they want eggs, sometimes they want bla, bla, bla.....so, small kids and big kids are different. The grown up kids, they can eat what you eat. We also can't afford to send the kids to child care. So we struggle with peo having to take care of the kids as we are both studying unlike those with spouse who can concentrate taking care of the kids and the house chores.Going back to financial issue, having small kids, we are relieve, school fees is way too cheap compared to those who have a grown up, high school kids, they have to pay double, triple, quadruple quintuple or triple double you called it. Another thing is if your husband smoke, that will suck up yr allowance money just like no one business babe...so, moral of the story, every person is having his or her own challenges and every family is struggling with different things in life, therefore, it is not fair to judge and compare, to condemn and finger pointing or even to 'blame' peo if they can't endure the PhD journey towards the end, people have different level of resiliency and again different dugaan and cabaran, but one thing for sure, everything is in Allah's hand hence pray for the best of yourself and your family.

enduring...

For all my friends enduring the journey of phd...

I have often dreamed

Of a far off place

Where a hero's welcome...Would be waiting for me

Where the crowds will cheer

When they see my face

And a voice keeps saying

This is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday

I can go the distance

I will find my way

If I can be strong

I know ev'ry mile

Will be worth my while

When I go the distance

I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road

To embrace my fate

Though the road may wander

It will lead me to you

And a thousand years

Would be worth the wait

It may take a lifetime

But somehow

I'll see it through

And I won't look back

I can go the distance

And I'll stay on track

No I won't accept defeat

It's an uphill slope

But I won't lose hope

Till I go the distance

And my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part

For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star

I can go the distance

I will search the world

I will face its harms

I don't care how far

I can go the distance

Till I find my hero's welcome

Waiting in your arms...I will search the world

I will face its harms

TillI find my hero's welcome

Waiting in your arms...See More

Lyrics, Go the Distance Lyrics >> http://www.stlyrics.com/

....a dramatic exemplary of strong determination

" Tak pe, jalani dan nikmati saje, lama-lama siaplah... (Dr. Adiwirman Izhar, 2010)".
Do you want to know who's that of my friend? When he did his Phd, his wife passed away while giving birth. But the baby alive. What I want to tell here... he was a strong man facing all ujian Allah. MasyaALLAH... Pak Adi, semoga dikau terus tabah...(Siti Zaharah Sakimin)

"Nak semayang subuh pon is a jihad, so what you are facing ni is dugaan / ujian, face it with sabar is jihad." "Genggam bara api biar jadi abu" "anggap phd is utk self satisfaction, don't worry abt what others think abt apa you do, yg penting you satisfied plus look for appraise from Allah" huhuhuhu byk pesan wisdom fr my dad kan? (Nonie Harun, 2010)

"Empty Cradle"

I found this poem and really interested in the meaning and wanted to share this
"Beyond grief lies hope, and beyond darkness may lie a life of purpose and meaning"

I would like to dedicate this poem to all those who lost their babies.... what they wanted from others;

I wanted them to say, “ I’m sorry about your loss” instead of trying to be upbeat
I wanted them to hug me more and to say to me, “I know this is tragic. It’s okay to be sad and cry.” They didn’t have to be sad but just respect my sadness. It would be nice if they would send flowers or cards because that’s what people do when you lose someone. They would be acknowledging that we lost a child.

I want them to bring up Adam like they would any baby who died, to come to a memorial service, to weep with me. I don’t want Adam to be forgotten by anyone. I don’t want time to take away the existence of this child.
I wanted people who have gone through this to talk with me at great length and to make me feel I wasn’t the only woman who didn’t bounce back.

What would have helped me would have been for someone to talk about the baby as a baby. I lost a BABY! To say to me, “Mrs. English, you have lost a child. You are going through grieving. Here is what to expect. Here are some guidelines. Here is a support group.”

The Art of Writing

I found that writing qualitative research is a matter of “playing the games”, a matter of playing with the words and language used and choice of right vocabulary. The style of discussion or interpretative writing in advanced analysis is different from reporting a finding as well as writing a literature. I always find myself stuck in writing my interpretation, stuck of not wanting to write in a style of reporting findings and writing literature reviews. In writing the discussion, I am supposed to critique or explain or enhance the findings and not reporting them. In interpretation too, I am supposed to support my interpretation with the literature but not criticizing or merely writing the relevant literatures.

I found that writing is a matter of the style or a matter of sentence structure. For example, there is a different of writing

They reported that they were always treated as sole caretakers of the parents and some appeared to become the breadwinners for other siblings....VS...Thus, the participants felt that they are not being treated fairly by the parents and siblings as they always have to be the caretaker......

My conclusion, learn the language of qualitative interpretative language and there are differences between interpretation and description and reporting findings and writing a literature!!!!

My beloved hubby recently post in his FB, the more you write, the more you get confused...To be honest, I can truly reflect and understand that statement my dear, but take one step at a time, sikit2, lama2 jadi bukit and the "confusion" should be treated as a catalyst to move on!

Saddening news...

10 ramadhan 1431H Innalillahiwainna ilaihirajiuun
Perginya pelajar yg disayangi selalu Khairina Badron, pergi yg tidak akan kembali, semoga beliau ditempatkan dikalangan orang yg beriman dan beramal soleh, amin.

Still vividly remember we laughed at you, coz you had a lot of expressions with your hands during your presentation. I liked to tease you, I liked to make fun of you. Your smile, the laughter that you'd brought to us, will never be forgotten. You were a great person. I still remember you cooked for our meals, especially me, the vegetarian….how could you leave us just like that? I am just speechless – friend,Scott

sahabatku yang tersayang...sesungguhnya aku merelakan dan aku redha kau pergi meninggalkan aku dan sahabat yang lain... walaupun jauh di sudut hati aku sangat bersedih..tapi aku tahu dan aku percaya kau adalah insan terpilih di sisi Allah..kau telah menunaikan Janjimu kepada Allah...akan aku bawa semangatmu bersama langkahku..akan ku simpul rapi kenangan bersamamu di sudut hatiku..akan kurakam suara gelak tawa dan senda guraumu dalam diari hidupku... aku akan mengiringimu dengan doa berpanjangan.. tenanglah kamu di sana..berehatlah kamu disana menanti kehadiran kami pulak – best friend, Siti Rohani Ahmad
telah ditakdirkan kan kau pergi dulu, di saat kau masih diperlukan, Tuhan lebih menyayangi dirimu, ku pasrah di atas ke hendak yg Esa. Ya Allah tempatkanya di tempat yg mulia, tempat yg dikau janjikan nikmat utk hambamu, sahabatku akan ku teruskan perjuangan ini walau ku tahu kau tiada di sisi... Salam kerinduan buat Almarhumah Khairina binti Badron (25 Dec 1987-20 Ogos 2010) Al Fatihah – friend, Faizal Anuar
Salam Takziah buat keluarga arwah, semoga semua tabah mengadapi .. alfatihah – lecturer,Merikan Aren
Salam takziah buat keluarga Khairina - Seorang pelajar yg lembut tutur bicaranya, baik budi pekertinya.. Moga rohnya d tempatkan bersama insan2 yg terpilih..- lecturer, Fa Yahya
Alfatihah untuk arwah Khairina Badron, seorang pelajar yang sangat baik tutur bahasanya, sentiasa tersenyum dan bercakap lembut, tidak langsung terguris hati selama mengenalinya. Moga Allah menempatkannya di kalangan orang-orang beriman, satu berita yang mengejutkan diri dari lena...- lecturer, Salmah My
Salam takziah buat keluarga allahyarhamah khairina badron ...al-fatihah - lecturer, Mohd Azhari Abu Bakar

Al-Fatihah utk arwah Khairina Badron...semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat n dtempatkan di sisi Nya...amen,salam takziah utk keluarganya, yeap, pemergiannya mmg dirasai.. teringat sy arwah dtg ke bilik saya with her sweet smile calling me... Cik Nora...cik nora...- lecturer, Siti Norazilah Mohd Said

is it true?

"Never-married women without children are often stereotyped as being career-driven, competitive, and aloof, and they have no mate or offspring to validate their attractiveness, desirability, or compassionate nature. Therefore, these women often struggle to achieve a balance between being perceived as serious professionals and maintaining their femininity. This struggle only reinforces the often pervasive notion of singlehood as a “problem” needing to be fixed"
(Anderson et al., 1994; Wilson, 2004).

what say you?

Phd and other lives...

"physically, mentally, emotionally,financially exhausted!!!!

just imagine ..sorang dalam rumah buat PhD pun..hidup dah stress...and in Alday Street ada 2 org buat serentak + entitle to ONLY 1 scholarship + 3 kids + no baby sitter+ no "bibik" to help with housework+ facing same expectation /progress from supervisor = Gua rasa mau laariiiii... woooo....'satu perjalanan yang amat menguji tahap kesabaran'.....

I quoted the above statement from a dear friend FB status...it is a striken statement to me because it reflected 99% of what I felt and experienced now. Having a husband who is doing a PhD at the same time and two small kids, boys somehow, woww....sometimes, me and husband always asking each other, how did we manage to do it so far? And in between these questions, my concern is, did I sacrifice too much to tackle all these family circumstances to the extend I jeopardise my PhD working time? I asked this question because sometimes I can choose to leave the house messy, to leave a high mountains of clothes piled up, to eat outside whenever we are hungry, to let all the toys at every corner of the house, but I don't have the "heart" to do that, I am a kind of person who doesn't like to see things messy, I like to see the house clean, tidy and these will 'soothe' my eyes. Therefore, I do not mind spending my time cleaning and tidying up things in the house. But again, sometimes, it goes too much especially with the kids tantrums and their 'not cooperative' nature will sometimes stressing you more.

Yet again, I always try not to complaint because this is the 'road' I chose and my husband, so, be 'redha' and also I always believe that kehadiran suami/isteri dan anak-anak memberi keberkatan dan ketenangan dalam usaha kita menimba ilmu, insyaAllah. Kasih sayang, rezeki dan anak-anak semuanya adalah nikmat daripada Allah, .semoga kita selalu mensyukuri nikmatnya.

west vs east

salam and dearest all...

I have been lost from the blogging world for quite some time, my friend She....and my mentor kak z buzz me to update my blog, thanks to them. No exact excuse for not updating the blog as I put it as not in my list of priority eventough I do admit writing in this blog "shape" me to be a good writer for my thesis somehow.

I wanted to share some 'thoughts' that I had spent thinking today....as I was talking about how the single Malay Muslim women negotiate intimacy, at the same time I would have to discuss how do the single cope being single. But I will not discuss that now. What I'll share today is a conversation I had with 2 single oz (celine & britney) abt being single. I was so surprised with the bigger spectrum of how do the singles here 'cope' with their singleness. Celine was telling me that she was thrilled with the eating disorder among women in oz, and most of them are singles. They "eat" a lot when they have problem and this will later bring them to weight issue. She then bring my attention to the alcohol issues faced by the western women. Then Britney, was adding on how did the singles spend most of their time. Most of the singles have good job, good salary, so, they will shop, shop, and shop till death. They become career-oriented too, career-focuses to the extend they do not have other lives. Some women are keeping pets at home and treat their pets as their loyal companion. And then what is really an eye opener to me is how both Celine & Britney were talking about being single as a "personal choice", that some single women chose to not be partnered and married. With the advancement of technology nowadays, they can stay single but they can still have kids. Celine mentioned about IVF and sperm donors, all is impossible. Well....this conversation really make me 'jump' inside, woww....with what I heard, I somehow reflected all these "coping strategies" as compared to Malay Muslim women, it is like langit dengan bumi, all of these is very uncommon, even some are impossible to be happened to our single malay muslim, and there is a comparison to be made.

I guess, I will stop here now as I have to go, will talk and share later insyaAllah soonnnnn. Feel so happy after posting this, yeaa....I'm writing something now.

p/s Picture of hail stones at 30B, Emily St. St James on 27th May 2010, photo courtesy of my bro, Rahman.

Himpunan Doa' from frens

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhan Ku... Yang maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.. Hindarkan aku dari rasa lemah dan mudah kecewa... Perjuangan ku belum selesai... Langkah demi langkah... Biarpun bertatih... Aku harus cekal dan tabah, agar dapat membina mercu tanda bangsaku yang berjaya...Amin.. Perkenankanlah oh Tuhan doa hambamu yang kerdil ini....(Hannerita, 2009)

Ya Allah,kukuhkan jiwa hambaMu ini, anugerahkan keyakinan dan tawakalku hanya untuk Mu...Jadikan kami dalam golongan orang-orang yang sabar.Hanya kepadaMu kami berusaha dan hanya kepadaMu kami berserah.Amin. (Syarif, 2009)

Ya Allah,bantulah diri ini dalam membuat keputusan yang terbaik,bagi kepentingan diri dan agamaMu ini...(Syarif, 2009)