Sunday, May 17, 2009

Stigma@Bias@Discrimination

Dear all, today I read across the excerpt from one of the transcripts, somehow, it tickled me about singles being treated unfairly at the workplace. I met a few singles talking about the mistreatment they received at the workplace, some mentioned about what I called 'universal' issue of gender bias, then some are going beyond the gender bias, single bias.....
"To me, being single, as a Malay lady, no limit, you can do anything as long as you know yr limit, keep on the right track, its ok, bukan faktor penghalang kpd kerjaya w/pun saya sik berkahwin. People are being negative but they never know that singles contribute more to the public, in this office, singles are on going working, sbb org kawin banyak commitment. Mcm lah single tuk sik perlu makan, minum, rehat, mcm machine. That’s why, dlm transfer, engkah nya jauh2 sbb nya single, that’s what happened to me, 9 years in B….., sik dpt tukar2, mun I di Kuching, lebih byk opportunity to further my study. Now meli rumah pun sampei pencen, I’m nearing retirement, yet my house purchase is still unsettled. They perceived single people are less important, as second class people, but they are the first class people to do their work. As in married people are allowed to take leave to take care of a sick family member, the privileges are not given to unmarried people. Furthermore, single people are taken for granted and posted to a far place, as if nya sik pandei sakit kah, sik ada mak bapak kah, yet I’ve been sent to B…. for nine years when I should have furthered my studies in Kuching.. Single people are treated as secondary importance, yet they provide the best service. Peoples’ mentality needs to be changed"
Descriptions of today’s single women around the globe are dated and stereotypical. In Malay culture, most people cannot accept the idea that a never married ‘normal’ woman could be happy and satisfied with her life. Clearly for most people and most cultures, marriage is a pre-ordained path, the preferred social status and the sanctioned way. Linn (1995) suggested women are trained to believe that a man needs a woman to be happy and a woman needs a child in order not to be dejected. She further pointed out that a woman who has no husband is worse than a man who has no wife. An unmarried woman without any children has no future, but a male who is not a father still has a future. Thus, women who have not married are often stigmatized and discriminated against.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Single Vs Janda

In the middle of my coding, I found few interesting singles' perception on being single;
a: To me the most important thing is that each day or each year we become a better person as better person. It doesn't matter whether you single or married.
b: So I think kalau you bawa diri you dengan betul takda masalahlah insyaAllah. Even kalau married women pun kalau tak pandai bawa kan..paling penting is how you carry yourself lah..
c: You know you still have your friend around you and what not.. so to me hah... I sik kisah...... I single so what? I'm not Janda or what, you know?
I was surprised to find the different 'visions' of the singles have in their life. Being Malay and Muslim, singles women are working towards becoming a better ummah, a good muslim by safeguarding their behaviors and conduct as mentioned by b, and also aim to be a better person each day as stated by a. C's statement is quite shocking because from her statement, single who have never married is better than janda. Let me quote results from study done by Stutzer & Frey 2003:
By the age of 30, singles who will marry report no different subjective well-being than those who will not marry. After 30, the prospective spouses are again a systematically more satisfied selection. It is unlikely that these selection effects can explain the entire difference in well-being between singles and married people. Until age 34, married people, on average, report higher life satisfaction scores than those singles who will get married later. As the gap between the two groups is substantial, it is unlikely to be due to time patterns in selection, i.e. due to the larger selection effects for those marrying at a young age.Besides selection effects into marriage, we also find evidence for selection effects out of marriage. People who get divorced were not only less happy during marriage but also less happy before they got married. So, does marriage make people happy or does divorce make people happy?
A janda is not to be perceived negatively just because she decided to end a marriage and fullly self satisfied with her decision and happy with it. Single or janda should not be labelled as negative as a muslim we must believe in things happened for reason, there's wisdom behind whatever happened, and Allah is the Most Knowing, He knows what best for us. Believe in Qada' and Qadar, percaya kepada ketentuanNya dan bertawakal.
p/s Picture shown flowers I received from my brother for Mother's Day, thanks bro!