is it true?

"Never-married women without children are often stereotyped as being career-driven, competitive, and aloof, and they have no mate or offspring to validate their attractiveness, desirability, or compassionate nature. Therefore, these women often struggle to achieve a balance between being perceived as serious professionals and maintaining their femininity. This struggle only reinforces the often pervasive notion of singlehood as a “problem” needing to be fixed"
(Anderson et al., 1994; Wilson, 2004).

what say you?

Phd and other lives...

"physically, mentally, emotionally,financially exhausted!!!!

just imagine ..sorang dalam rumah buat PhD pun..hidup dah stress...and in Alday Street ada 2 org buat serentak + entitle to ONLY 1 scholarship + 3 kids + no baby sitter+ no "bibik" to help with housework+ facing same expectation /progress from supervisor = Gua rasa mau laariiiii... woooo....'satu perjalanan yang amat menguji tahap kesabaran'.....

I quoted the above statement from a dear friend FB status...it is a striken statement to me because it reflected 99% of what I felt and experienced now. Having a husband who is doing a PhD at the same time and two small kids, boys somehow, woww....sometimes, me and husband always asking each other, how did we manage to do it so far? And in between these questions, my concern is, did I sacrifice too much to tackle all these family circumstances to the extend I jeopardise my PhD working time? I asked this question because sometimes I can choose to leave the house messy, to leave a high mountains of clothes piled up, to eat outside whenever we are hungry, to let all the toys at every corner of the house, but I don't have the "heart" to do that, I am a kind of person who doesn't like to see things messy, I like to see the house clean, tidy and these will 'soothe' my eyes. Therefore, I do not mind spending my time cleaning and tidying up things in the house. But again, sometimes, it goes too much especially with the kids tantrums and their 'not cooperative' nature will sometimes stressing you more.

Yet again, I always try not to complaint because this is the 'road' I chose and my husband, so, be 'redha' and also I always believe that kehadiran suami/isteri dan anak-anak memberi keberkatan dan ketenangan dalam usaha kita menimba ilmu, insyaAllah. Kasih sayang, rezeki dan anak-anak semuanya adalah nikmat daripada Allah, .semoga kita selalu mensyukuri nikmatnya.

west vs east

salam and dearest all...

I have been lost from the blogging world for quite some time, my friend She....and my mentor kak z buzz me to update my blog, thanks to them. No exact excuse for not updating the blog as I put it as not in my list of priority eventough I do admit writing in this blog "shape" me to be a good writer for my thesis somehow.

I wanted to share some 'thoughts' that I had spent thinking today....as I was talking about how the single Malay Muslim women negotiate intimacy, at the same time I would have to discuss how do the single cope being single. But I will not discuss that now. What I'll share today is a conversation I had with 2 single oz (celine & britney) abt being single. I was so surprised with the bigger spectrum of how do the singles here 'cope' with their singleness. Celine was telling me that she was thrilled with the eating disorder among women in oz, and most of them are singles. They "eat" a lot when they have problem and this will later bring them to weight issue. She then bring my attention to the alcohol issues faced by the western women. Then Britney, was adding on how did the singles spend most of their time. Most of the singles have good job, good salary, so, they will shop, shop, and shop till death. They become career-oriented too, career-focuses to the extend they do not have other lives. Some women are keeping pets at home and treat their pets as their loyal companion. And then what is really an eye opener to me is how both Celine & Britney were talking about being single as a "personal choice", that some single women chose to not be partnered and married. With the advancement of technology nowadays, they can stay single but they can still have kids. Celine mentioned about IVF and sperm donors, all is impossible. Well....this conversation really make me 'jump' inside, woww....with what I heard, I somehow reflected all these "coping strategies" as compared to Malay Muslim women, it is like langit dengan bumi, all of these is very uncommon, even some are impossible to be happened to our single malay muslim, and there is a comparison to be made.

I guess, I will stop here now as I have to go, will talk and share later insyaAllah soonnnnn. Feel so happy after posting this, yeaa....I'm writing something now.

p/s Picture of hail stones at 30B, Emily St. St James on 27th May 2010, photo courtesy of my bro, Rahman.

Himpunan Doa' from frens

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhan Ku... Yang maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.. Hindarkan aku dari rasa lemah dan mudah kecewa... Perjuangan ku belum selesai... Langkah demi langkah... Biarpun bertatih... Aku harus cekal dan tabah, agar dapat membina mercu tanda bangsaku yang berjaya...Amin.. Perkenankanlah oh Tuhan doa hambamu yang kerdil ini....(Hannerita, 2009)

Ya Allah,kukuhkan jiwa hambaMu ini, anugerahkan keyakinan dan tawakalku hanya untuk Mu...Jadikan kami dalam golongan orang-orang yang sabar.Hanya kepadaMu kami berusaha dan hanya kepadaMu kami berserah.Amin. (Syarif, 2009)

Ya Allah,bantulah diri ini dalam membuat keputusan yang terbaik,bagi kepentingan diri dan agamaMu ini...(Syarif, 2009)

We don't live in a vacummm

Hi all, for the last few days I met and talked to a few friends, kak Z, kak ZP, kak E, of whom I am indebted. They shared, adviced, assisted me during my 'hard' time now. I found myself at the "no end" road, I am stuck and one of the reasons is because I am worry so much and I kept on worrying and thinking about my worries and I did not "DO" anything.... hope you can understand my 'crap' splurt....

I learned a few things from them of which I shall treasure wholeheartedly. Kak Z told me to start and keep on writing what she called free writing, no stopping, no editing, simply write and write. Kak ZB asked me to read banyakkkkkkkkkk to gain the skills and insights of getting my theoritical frameworks and as kak Z said, move on from my findings and bring it forward and out and try to put it in the right 'aliran' of which I'm still struggling, what is my 'aliran' a.k.a theory. Kak Z mentioned a few theories and the theorists of whom some are familiar and some are totally new to me, and being able to put my research and squeezed them in between of all these key theories. Wish me luck especially for the one who hasn't found her thories after 2 years in her journey of knowledge!!!! Personally, I learned that Phd is an individual unique experience and very much depending on your resources, be it financial, health, peaceful of mind etc. Some people are granted with some resources and limited with other resources. A is given with some resources, B is limited in other type of resources. So, no wonder one can finish in 2 years time and yet one took 6 years to complete. It all goes back to one analogy, don't compare an orange with an apple. In my case, I might not be good in my analysis, but I can highlight the richness of my data. I have to be "redha" with my lack of resources, for example, I am not good in english academic writing or in other word, not good in Australia Phd thesis writing so, I have to be 'redha' when it comes to time invested to complete my writing. There is no specific way of 'correct' or even 'good' writing, but I have to be able to highlight the uniqueness of my 'phenomenon' of study, the uniqueness such as culture and context, the different perspective we have as compared to those from other culture and religion. Kak E intellectual's input give me ideas on how to counter argue some of my supervisor's argument, that I'm looking from my participant's point of view, and Islam is embedded in our daily life, in our thinking, in our way of life, what we do and think are all related to that course, that's it. She also shared with me the importance of positionality in our research, the multilingualism issue in methodology, what is idiomatic and meaning based translation. Most of all, I appreciate some of the useful and beneficial references given by kak E, thank you my dear. I also learn from kak e and kak z the importance of triangulation, might take note on the ways to triangulate my research, of how to make it "traingulatedly sound", another important task worth doing, I guess!!! While sitting and reflecting, I think another reason for my 'laziness' is because of so much distractions nowadays, first of all I have holidays syndrome, campus is dead, no one is here, and most distraction of all is, all my families are here in Perth!!!! so, what am i doing in my office, I have to go out and spend time with them. So, trying to rationalize and justify my 'guilt' feeling by saying, I will start to keep up my 'working hour' once they got back, but when is that, 12th january and what do I do before that? Nothinggggg!!!!! So jem, where is that cool and secured feeling Jem??want to get that Jem back. To Allah, I prayed yesterday for the year end and new year supplication, and Perjalanan perlu diteruskan... Semangat perlu dicari... Usaha perlu ditingkatkan...Kejayaan pasti dikecapi.....insyaAllah.

p/s Photo courtesy of Shekeen, thanks sis!

words of wisdom from a friend; million of thanks

Kamek understand your journey kinek tok..........the toughest road. Noworry but hang on there and keep working. Klak you sendiri terkejut what Ucan do bila dah habis tulis. I am glad analogy driving ya dapat nolong yousikit. Anywhere in phenomenology cam ya lah you expect to write. Sik dasigek penulisan atau buku atau example yang perfect untuk panduan u nulisthesis secara phenomenology sebab setiap phenomenology approach sangatsubjective, specific to its contact, culture and even every subject,kitakenak highlight ke unikannya.So my suggestion,you kenak baca banyakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkpenulisan phenomenologist and learn the writing skill from there, journal,books or even story book!!! Lepas ya keep writing and re writing and rewriting quoting from my supervisors word masa kat NZ dolok. Once u sendirirasa puas menulis ya discuss with your supervisor. 1st step yang palingpenting ialah thema thema you answer your research questions and explainwhat you want to achieve in your study objectives. I started with coding,categories and themes and move forward and backward and sometimes back tooriginal codes many times. Yes its time consuming and mind boggling.Yes in writing take one step at a time. Mun U tengah nulis researchfindings you, focus tok ajak your reading, your searching , your thinking,your refelction. Jangan campur aduk dengan chapter lain.Another things, mun you rasa serabut, overwhelm or stuck up....no worry itsnormal process. Give yourself a break and go holiday with family. You willfeel fresh and rejuvenated when you return from your break and wow lekak ya best nulis.

Words to ponder

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So, love the people who treat you right.

Forget about the one’s who don’t.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it is changes your life, let it.

Nobody said life is would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

- anynomous

photo courtesy of Miya