Is single a 'monster'?

hehehehe, what an intrigue question for my entry this time yet, it is actually quite a 'common' statement, label, stigma, stereotyped, prejudice I might say that people have towards singles. I have a number of good friends who are labelled as 'fierce', as emotionally unstable person and this is personally intrigue me to do this research actually besides all the other academic merits, hahahha. So, how far it is true? What causes it? And does it really happening or is it just a myth?

Or does this has something to do with the biological make up of a women, the every month cycles and also the hormones turbulence? For me, it can be one of the factors because before I married, I had terrible PMS, now it is lessen.

Well, I don't have answer actually for all these question, and I don't know what is the answer. I just wanted to share a finding from an article: single women is more psychologically stress than single men. From personality p.o.v, single women are more intelligent, more open to experience and the never married single is more hostile and irritable :(
And this one finding is interesting, as compared to married women, the household income of the never married is less :( kuang, kuang, kuang.....emmmm...interesting, no wonder a single friend of mine always complaint of pokai, heheheheh study done by Marks, N.F, Flying Solo at Midlife: Gender, Marital status, Psychological Well Being, 1996.

My brother is a follower of this particular blog of whom he knows that the owner is a single Malay lady and she is "getting worst" in her entries nowadays, she is meant and 'not friendly' in her writing, so, my brother was asking me, how can he help her because "she is turning into a monster" day by day (direct quote) and remind us of a relative who is now helpless and 'shun' by other family members sort of. She is a very nice person before but she has changed a lot. There are actually so many other cases surrounding that tell us that this is actually happening but I do not know exactly why, wish I'll have answer so do you know why or at least have the assumptions of why is this happening?

western vs islamic

Today I want to talk about Western theory versus Islamic theory. A friend of mine addressing this issue that day and she mentioned about the sexual needs as part of Maslow theory and she mentioned about the importance of companionship. I personally had scribbled about this in my journal quite some time ago and I did quote about Maslow’s theory of biological or physiological needs, so, how do singles women fulfill these needs as it is just like eating, drinking and sleeping? For professional women the challenge is higher because they have to deal with men everyday at the workplace. In Islam, we are encouraged to puasa, zikr and solat. And the sexual gratification is fulfilled and halal through aqad.
Careful consideration of the Qur'anic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable. (I.Doi, A.R (2008).
So, if the condition of marriage is ‘wajib’ then it is the obligation of the person to get married just like it is obliged unto her to pray and pay zakat.
Western theory of partnership is very much related to the attachment theory, evolutionary theory and belonginess hypothesis and even in Islam, Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquillity according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. The concept of loved and to be loved is broad in this sense. There is a literature who mentioned about the differences between a single who has never married and a single who was married. Surprisingly, a single who has never married is a ‘strong’ woman because they are emotionally and economically more independent than a married one. And those who had married and then become single they are more emotionally dependent because they had experience the feeling of “being loved” in their marriage period. For the singles, the feeling of “being loved” maybe fulfilled when they are loved by parents, siblings, relatives and even friends and since she never experience the feeling of love between husband and wife, this is not comparable.

I remembered one time I argued with my husband about the attachment theory introduced by the western and I argued what do they know about attachment since car seat is compulsory in the west while in Malaysia, our attachment is stronger because we hugged, we carry the babies with us in the car, we ‘kendung’, we ‘pangku’ them because we don’t put babies in the car seat, we are more attached than the west, then my husband simply replied me, “jangan ikut sangat lah teori barat tu….” Sometimes, it is true lah, it is good for our knowledge and the world mundane, but as Muslim, most of the things are narrated in the sayings of the prophet and of course in the Quran. Maybe we just need to reflect more and at the first place how can we reflect if we don’t have it, so, try to understand what is in the Quran and also in Hadith. Take care all.

Unproductive Week

Today is Wednesday emmm felt like I did not accomplish anything this week, just felt so tired and feel like to relax and do not want to think about research.....well, I'm still at the first step of my data analysis, do not know what take me so long to go further, well, I admitted that I had been procrastinating lately, really? or maybe I'm giving excuse to myself to not do my analysis, the reasons are.....I guess, I have told you in my previous entry, juggling with english and juggling with the data. Well, I know I am not progressing "well", I wasted so much time already, I am not being productive and I did not see my supervisors for ages. I guess it is time to face the reality now, I better set up an appointment with them and get movinggggg, jem, be focus, be focussss, sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian, tiada guna nya. Ya Allah, give me 'sinar' dalam menghadapi hari hari mendatang, amin.

Juggle with data

Monday is here meaning another week is coming and meaning another hours had flies and gone. Here I am asking myself where I am in my journey? I just got back from my meeting with John and while walking on my way back to my office, I was asking myself, how to go about doing my analysis? I will probably followed John's advice, took a big paper and started doing my mind mapping to see the whole overview of my first case analysis, phewww....I forsee that I'll be 'drowning' with my data after this, I have so many "things" in my mind but I have problem to put them together and organised them. I also knew that deep in my heart I could not ran away from reading and understanding the western feminism, the economic changes, the modernation revolutions andddd more about Malay culture and Islamic values, waaaa.....this is PhD, the more you know, the more you don't know, do you agree friends? Ya Allah, please give me the strength and perseverence in my journey, amin.

Juggle with English

Salam all, I just started my analysis and I am struggling with the higher level of abstraction, struggle to look for concise word and phrases to capture the essential quality of the transcriptions, struggle in finding higher level of expressions to allow theoritical connections within and across cases, well in short, I am struggling with the complexities of English, how I wish my brain is like a dictionary or something like thesaurus and within second the exact, precise word will come across my mind and daa....here you go...

Now, my progress is very very slow, macam siput je just because it takes me ages to look for what is "Jodoh" in english, what is "redha", what is "ingga' (local sarawak dialect), what is "terkilan" as regret is too strong for that and mind you jodoh can be, destiny, fate, predestined mate, marriage faith, it is not a simple term because there is cultural and religious translation embedded in that one word! pheww....more work, more work for me, Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, permudahkan urusan aku dalam menempuh hari hari mendatang, amin.

PhD challenges

Hi, short one from me today, just got back from lunch with my brother, we talked about PhD thingies. There are 1001 obstacles or in a more positive word, "challenges" in doing PhD. We shared some of our own friends experience and challenges. A, lost his data in his laptop when his laptop was stolen, all his research tracks were in the laptop. B and C involved in a car accident while collecting data in Malaysia. D was diagnosed as having depression after coming back from his data collection trip, of which he described as a very unpleasant experience, and very challenging. E has to go back to Malaysia after knowing that his baby is sick and later died. Well, there is so many stories behind PhD journey, it could happen to anyone, anytime and anywhere. I am blessed that so far, mine is still a 'pleasant' journey so much so, although there are ups and down, Allah is testing us in His very own ways. Be thankful always, syukur alhamdulillah. Please pray for the success of those who are doing their PhD wherever they are, amin.

Cooking Therapy

I met a few singles ladies who shared with me their passion in cooking, baking and gardening as well. Some of them were telling me that they have a dream to open their own bakery one fine day, insyaAllah. Mun jadi, promo kelak, dapat merasa air tangan some of you there. Emmm...it makes me wonder, do singles people treat cooking as a therapy? Is cooking or baking or even gardening is one of the many activities they fulfill their time with? Have to search for more literature on cooking & singles women. I personally believe that cooking can be a welcome change and relief from the busyness of other activities especially work. Don't you think so?

Nor***, Rah***, Rosh****, Khan**** told me that they like to bake & cook and then inviting nephews, nieces, friends to come over and eat. Zab***** & Azee*** told me that they love gardening. And I know somebody by the name Far*** who from my personal acquitances likes to do biscuits for Raya and even take an order for the biscuits, I should have asked her more on this during the interview. As for me, I don't really like to cook or even gardening, I don't even know what I like specifically, maybe just lepaking, and relaxing LOL :) What I know for sure is, I am a 'seasonal' cook and baker, depending on time, mood and context.

Now it's your turn to pass the salt. Toss your thoughts into the mixing bowl (aka "comments" section) below. Happy cooking, baking and gardening dear all!

p/s credit to my friend's photos, Intan; she loves to make cuppy cakes so much.